Evolution of a Relationship - Increedible India

According to Hindu belief and thoughts, marriage is a social and formal commitment to respect, care for and take responsibility for each other. Not only do individuals marry each other, but the families of both partners become part of an extended family. Couples can rely on the extended family during good as well as challenging times. Therefore, one must choose one’s life partner with thoughtful consideration.

Normally, in traditional families, parents of the bride informally “investigate” the family background of the potential groom, if everything checks out, they feel the families are compatible, then the potential bride and groom’s horoscopes are matched. Looking at both the horoscope’s a number of factors are considered; will the couple be happy, will the marriage be “till death do us part”, will the couple be socially, intellectually and sexually compatible and so on…. Thus, by matching horoscopes one can avoid undesirable unions. One has to understand that the horoscope has to be cast appropriately and the person reading the horoscope has in-depth knowledge. A lot more goes into this than addressed here. Moving on….

In the current environment, lacking the parent “investigation” of the families, the potential bride and groom need to rely on their own instinct to see if they are compatible, before the “dating game” starts. Therefore, it is important to “interview” or discuss the views on; trust, family values, individual values, aspirations, starting a family, how large a family they want to create, religious beliefs, customs, in case of different denominations what will the family follow, relationship with individual parents, siblings, friends etc. all these important questions should be discussed so that there are no surprises after the wedding. Potential couples should explore, are the families compatible, do they approve the relationship etc. Marriage is a commitment where both partners have to sacrifice their egos for conjugal harmony. Of course, people can change, but keep in mind that flexibility is most important during these times, it is an evolution – this becomes the norms of the new family the couple creates! As this family expands, children learn from the norms formed by the couple. This is where the children learn about family values, life values, tolerance, norms of the society, discrimination, knowledge that can enrich them about various societies, religion and people. Home is where the “knowledge” begins. Grandparents, uncles, aunts, friends shape the young life.

Here are some of the data gathering questions that successfully begin the process of really knowing who the potential partner is. Because these are deeply intimate inquiries, it is of utmost importance that it is approached from an exploration perspective. Both should be willing to be open and honest with each other so that both can evaluate if a long-term relationship can be built.

Make a list of the most important traits or factors you want in your partner; 1. Family 2. Trust 3. Likes 4. Values 5. Other relationships (friends), 6. Children 7. How would you raise them? 8. Religion to follow when children are born etc. Know when you receive the answers, can you compromise or are you rigid about these issues. This will lead to a better understanding of each other and will have less issues as you get stronger in the relationship. Sharing stories leads to connections and experience each other’s perspective.

Try some of these questions:

Family:

What traits are most important to you in your family members?
What is your favorite family tradition?
Are you religious? Does it matter to you?
What was it like growing up in your family?
How do you show your family you love them?
How do you feel about family events?
How do you feel integrating into another family?
How do you go about integrating into another family?
How do you deal with arguments between family members?
If you have children, how do you want to raise them?
What personality traits do you share with your relatives?
Are you close to your grandparents? If not, why not?

Values:

What’s a relationship deal breaker for you?
What is your definition of success?
If your partner is working hard, late nights etc. will you help with the chores; making food, laundry etc.
Do you believe in taking vacations together?
Do you believe in making sure both families; yours and mine, are treated equally?
What’s the first thing you look for in a partner and/or a friend?
How can earn your trust or lose it?
How do you interact with someone who disagrees with you?
What are you like when you don’t get what you want?
How do you handle a disagreement with your partner?
Are you trustworthy?
Will you split up with your partner’s family?
How will you treat your partner’s family?