Successful Relationship
By: aruna hemmige
As an HR Executive I had utilized Team Building concepts successfully to optimize/ enhance the performance of an Organization. Now, as a Life Coach, the topic of relationship within a family has been a reoccurring theme. This concept seems simple, yet it is complicated due to the dynamics/personalities of individuals within the family. During one of these coaching sessions, it occurred to me I could utilize the same Bruce Tuckman’s Team Development Model to enhance family dynamics/relationships. Let’s explore this concept…..
What is the meaning of a positive relationship?
When two or more people connect, interact and bond together without overstepping the boundaries each of these members have established. They treat each other with respect, trust, love and care for each other. This is truly a connection that is established for a life time.
Family Relationships
Who is considered a Family Member: blood relatives; child, stepchild, grandchild, parent, stepparent, spouse, sibling, niece, nephew and non-blood relatives: mother-in-law, father-in-law, son-in-law, daughter-in-law, brother-in-law and sister-in-law. In the current environment, families come in many different forms, for example single-parent families, step families, same sex parents etc. Ideally, people should have strong relationships with their families, although this does not always happen. A close knight family are those that offer guidance and support when asked for. As children grow-up and form their own families, this is my recommendation for the in-laws; understand the “Bruce Tuckman’s – Team Formation Model,” this could be used in reforming/redefining the Family.
Bruce Tuckman was a Psychologist who came up with the memorable phase “forming, storming, norming and performing” in his 1965 paper “Developmental Sequence in Small Groups.” Later he added the fifth stage, “adjourning” to mark the end of a team’s journey.
Here are the primary stages all teams progress or regress through, similar to “New Member” entering into a family – the family dynamic changes. Thus, causing a disruption in the original family. They follow similar stages of the “Team Development” Model.
https://www.challengeapplications.com/stages-of-team-development
Now let’s explore what happens in the family dynamics when an “New Member” enters using the same concept.
Forming Stage
In the beginning, when a new member enters, individuals will be unsure of the family, how they fit in, and whether they are welcome. They may be anxious, curious, or excited to get going. However, they are entering into a totally new environment, norms are different, styles are different, personalities are different, most importantly communication style is different.
This may take some time, as people get to know their new family and one another’s ways of interaction and communication styles. Sometimes awkward silences and conversations appear.
Storming Stage
In the storming stage, the new member starts to push against the established boundaries. Conflict or friction can also arise between family members as their true characters – and their preferred ways of working – surface and clash with other members of the family. It is not unusual for sarcasm to replace the politeness in the Forming Stage.
While many of these relational behaviors appear negative, if the family by-passes the Storming Stage in an effort to keep peace, the family may move toward the desired “Performing Stage.” One on one communication is very important or this can lead to face-to-face confrontations or simmering online tensions causing the family to become dysfunctional. Even loosing your own adult child and future generations.
Norming Stage
Gradually, the family moves into the norming stage. People start to resolve their differences, appreciate one another’s strengths, trust and respect each other. Norms of behavior, communication, accountability, consequences, timeliness are established.
They’ll share a stronger commitment to the family, or they should make good progress toward it. Sense of “Belonging” need is met. Every one of us possess an innate need to belong. These family connections/relationships provide us this “belonging” need.
Performing Stage
At this stage the family is functioning in a focused manner, working together as a family. Generally, all individuals are encouraged to participate and have a healthy relationship with one another. During this stage members of the family share information freely and jointly working together to help and support each other during stressful times.
Adjourning
Hope the family has built an enjoyable relationship and work through any challenges that comes their way. This is the village that supports the future generations!
As adults move through the changes in their life to retirement, here is food for thought.
Twilight
It starts with a spring and a summer,
It starts with a bounce and laughter,
It starts with a dream and the stars,
Oh, how lovely it is to be young and to have sung,
As the twilight starts….
You wait and anticipate,
memories role by, good and the bad,
memories are all I have of the years gone by,
As I wait new spring and summer role in, as
I hope to experience the bounce and the laughter,
Hope is all I have…
As I wait and wait and anticipate during the twilight,
I hope to see my Pilot face to face, fast,
When I cross the twilight towards the light.